Wednesday, November 6, 2013

White Breeches... The Curse of doing Dressage?

At my show this past weekend I made a promise to myself I will NEVER put on those stupid white breeches again.   Really...  who came up with such a silly idea anyway?  Let me recount the ways I hate them and why they make no sense whatsoever.

I have googled like a mad woman trying to find WHY we wear these silly pants and can't find any logical explanation except that its tradition.  I think its time we start a new tradition of common sense.

I am not sure if you noticed but we are competing in a sport that involves lots of dirt.  We deal with animals with fuzzy coats that are essentially mud and dirt collectors.  It is our job to get all that mud and dirt out and chances are much of that is going to get on our clothes.  Even after we have our mounts looking as clean as possible, all it takes is a good hearty pat on the neck to show that there truly is no way to get ALL the dirt out.  So chances are we are going to get some of that dirt on our immaculate white pants.

And its not just dirt from the horse.   Black marks from the saddle are common.   Plus we are riding a 1200 pound animal with large hooves in a dirt ring.  Chances are that dust is going to puff up and hit those cursed pants.  And that's on a good day... shows are run in rain or shine.  Check out this picture of Golly and I at a show with heavy rain -- look carefully and you can see the big blobs of mud shooting up, aiming towards my clean pants.

When I was a child I remember my parents preparing to purchase a new truck.  This was a big deal for them as money was not the most plentiful resource in our house and it was the only time I can remember them purchasing a new car during my childhood.  In fact, the truck they purchased is still in operation almost forty years later.

One thing my Mom said during that preparation stuck with me.  She remarked, "We need to be sure to get a color that matches the dirt on our road so it looks clean even when its not."  Common sense -- my mother's trademark.  We need to do the same with our expensive show breeches -- purchase a pair that matches most ring colors!

Looking Good
Now let's be honest.   Does anyone look good in a white pair of breeches?  Even skinny people don't look their best in them and fluffier people look even worse.   They show every single flaw in your body shape.    Bubbly fat?  Don't worry... everyone will know.     Belly pouch left over from multiple pregnancies?   It declares itself in glory with sharp contrast to your black jacket.  

And let's discuss panty lines.    Most breeches do a decent job of covering the evidence but white breeches... well those you have be very careful of your underwear choices.  Colors and prints are definite no nos.    Thongs are the choice for many under white pants but the thought of a thong while straddling a horse ... well... if you do that you either are looking for a cheap thrill or you hate your private parts.   However, since your chance of panty lines showing while wearing the cursed white pants is high, I'm not sure I want the world to know that I wear granny panties.   Flesh colored moderate cut underwear seems to work the best but seriously... should we have to put this much thought into our underwear?   Shouldn't we be spending more time thinking of how to get more fluid movement from our horse?

So that's it for me... I'm done with white breeches.   I'm going with common sense and finding a nice pair of dirt colored breeches to put under my nice blazer and white shirt -- which of course also makes perfect sense to wear while riding a horse!

Anyone want some white breeches?

1 comment:

  1. Cute post and so true! Luckily I not planning on showing so denim breeches it will be! :)


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